I'm sure we've all heard the Miranda Warning on our favorite cop show. It's a Supreme Court mandated way of ensuring individuals who are arrested are aware of their rights.
..."Everything you say can and will be used against you..." That's the portion that has a tendency to creep from the legal world into our everyday lives. You probably have a friend or family member like that. They remember exactly what you said on October 12, 1975. Or how you reacted when you got mad at them and every angry word you said. And they make sure to remind you of just exactly what those words were.
I think it's safe to say that we all have said things we regret. Sometimes we regret them the minute we hear them come out of our mouths; other times we regret them when we calm down. Whenever we come to regret something we said, however, we don't want that friend standing there reminding us of just what was said.
So is the solution to issue a "Friendship Miranda" to people to let them know we're going to hold everything they say against them? No. The solution is to learn to let things go. Forgive. Forget. Move on. If a friendship is worth having, then you should not be holding words against one another.
Don't Mirandize your friends and family. Let them off the hook.
This is the third in a 3-part series. Read part 1 here, and part 2 here.
Making friends isn't always easy. Especially once we're adults. We still have all those same fears of rejection and they can keep us from reaching out. I have found that there are two really good ways to make friends, though. You should try them out.
Re-define "friend" - I used to think my friends were only the girlfriends I hung out with. In fact, friends are anyone you enjoy sharing time or communicating with. My mom, husband, daughter, brothers and sisters-in-law are all friends. The people I go to church with are friends. The friendly people at the library are friends. Former students who continue to share their lives with me via Facebook are friends. Change your definition and suddenly you'll have more friends than you realized.
Recognize your potential friends - I see the same people at the park when I go regularly. We are all kindred spirits, pounding the pavement for personal reasons. I've come to know some of them and though we only see each other at the park, they are my running friends. Look around at the people you run into all the time and maybe that's your friends.
When my daughter was little, she would often come home from school and tell us about a new friend she'd made. She'd describe all the fun they had on the playground throughout the day, what they had for lunch, where the girl sat in the classroom - everything. Then I'd ask what the girl's name was. The inevitable response? "I don't know."
I think we can learn a lesson from that method of making friends. We need to approach the task with the reckless abandon of a kindergartner. Too often, we try to find friends who meet that pre-selected mold we have in mind. That perfect fit. When what we should really be doing is looking around us, at the people we encounter regularly, and seeing which ones we enjoy interacting with. Which ones come to mind as you read that sentence? Maybe she could be your new friend. Who is it that you always share a joke with after church, or at work, or at the park? Could she be a potential new friend?
Instead of expecting to find friends only in places that meet certain conditions, how about letting friendships occur naturally, the way they once did on the playground?
This week, see if you can make a new friend. Reach out on Facebook, in the library, at the grocery store, at work, at the park, and offer to have coffee, take a walk, have lunch, or share contact information with someone new. You might be surprised at your results.
Harry Potter is a big deal at our house. Our daughter was 9 years old when the first book was released. There was all kinds of buzz, both good and bad, about the book, so I read it after Carrie did to see what the hullabaloo was about. I loved it! We continued to enjoy the next few books as they were released.
One day, Carrie decided that since her dad was always building things and rarely picked up a book, she would read the books to him while he worked. So she read book after book to him. One night, she went to bed, having stopped reading at a pivotal moment, and Alan finished reading the book, having caught the bug, so to speak.
When the 6th book came out, we went to the midnight release because we simply couldn't wait. I remember Carrie had her friend Lydia over that weekend, and the girls spent every waking moment reading it to each other. I had to grab it when they went to sleep, and then Alan got it after I fell asleep. We all finished it that weekend.
For the final book, we got 2 copies so there was less sharing and coordinating that had to go on.
We were also at the midnight showing of the first movie. I think we stood in that line for hours, and there were only about 6 people in the line in front of us.
So now the first part of the 2-part finale opened this weekend. Alan and I didn't do the midnight showing because he had his eyes dilated yesterday and wasn't up to going out, but I think we'll be at one of the late shows tonight or tomorrow. (Stop by and say hi if you see us!)
I know the haters like to dump on the stories because they involve witchcraft (though the same people are fine with wizards in Lord of the Rings. Go figure.), or the fact that Harry often breaks rules (and always pays the consequences). And I know that J.K. Rowling has not written great literature here, and borrows heavily from other sources. But what makes the stories so great, to me anyway, is the central idea about friendship. How just because you're a blood relative of someone, that doesn't mean you are going to be like them, or even that you have TO like them. And it's the friends you love who are your true family. And home is where the heart is.
Those are important issues, ones that we should probably consider.
Plus it's just a lot of fun!!
In case you've somehow had your head in the sand and have missed it, here's the trailer for the newest release. Makes you wanna go see it, doesn't it!!?
